A Strange Day on Planet Zi
by Mad Squirrel
Summary: Sorry I didn't come up with a better title, I'm feeling a little braindead at the moment. There's no real plot to this fic, except for just plain weirdness and an attack of an overgrown Mokona. Rated PG for violence and weird stuff.


Disclaimer: I don't own Zoids, or Rayearth, or Hostess, etc. I do, however, own Buttons/Sailor Zi, Lint, Roger, and Ghatiack. Yes, they are my own strange creations. ^_~  
  
Author's note~ I know this fic is a little on the weird side, and some readers may not appreciate my sense of humor, and if you truly hate this fanfic, I would appreciate some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Thanks! And remember people, please don't take this fanfic seriously. I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm just trying to give anyone who's willing to read this some cheap entertainment. It's meant for humor only!! Oh yes, and I always appreciate reviews! Sorry if my fanfic melts your brain! ^_o- (Like my Irvy face???)  
  
~ Mad Squirrel (aka Laura)   
  
On a terribly tiny village (only one building is located on this town, and it's not very big! A total of 5 people can fill the space in the one room) called Ghatiack located in the desert plains of Planet Zi, a young girl was washing her underwear in front of the one building. The only other person who lived in this town was Roger, an old man. Apparently, this Roger guy is the young girl's great great great great grandfather. The girl's name is Button Pocket. She has shiny, blinding hot pink hair and dazzling orange  
eyes. Oh yes, there is one more resident of Ghatiack: Button's faithful companion, Lint. He is a very large German Shepard.   
  
Well, about a week later when Button was washing her underwear (she does this every Tuesday) and Roger was counting his rocks that he found on one of his monthly journeys through the vast desserts of Planet Zi. He has precisely 23 and a half rocks, but he enjoys counting them anyway, even if he always comes up with the same amount every single day. He spends most of his time doing this. Lint was lying on the front steps, chewing on a dry bone that he has been chewing on for years, maybe a decade.   
  
This very day, they had their first visitors in years. Roger's second visitors and Button's first. She was so excited since she has never spoken to anyone besides Roger, Lint, her underwear, and herself.   
  
Roger had seen three Zoids drive up to their house and quickly ran out.   
  
"Button, Button!!! We have visitors!!!" He stuck his head out the one window of the house as he yelled excitedly to Button.   
  
"REALLY!?" Button called out, overjoyed. She stood up from hanging her underwear on the clothesline and smiled brightly, patiently waiting for the visitors to get out of their Zoids. Lint came was right by her side. Her first encounter with other people!   
  
The three Zoids, A shield Leiger, Command Wolf, and uh... Moonbay's Zoid parked by the house and the people jumped out. Button could hardly stand it anymore. She had to see these visitors!! Van hopped out first and ran up to Button. "Water...! We need water...!" he said dryly.   
  
Button was confused. "I have underwear..." She said and held up some of her underwear. "Here, take some." She put the underwear in his hands.   
  
"AHHH!!!" Van dropped the underwear. "Coodies!!"   
  
Fiona and Moonbay stepped forward and looked through the basket of underwear. "Oooo..." the said as they picked out some pretty ones that liked. Van looked disgusted.   
  
"Listen little girl, don't you have any water!?" Irvine said impatiently.   
  
Button stared at his eyepatch thingie blankly. "Can I have that??" She asks innocently as she tries to pull Irvine's eyepatch off.   
  
"Hey don't touch that!!" Irvine says angrily. "We just need water!!! Don't you understand!? WATER!? Don't you have any!? Do you know what water is!? Aren't you alive!? Aren't you a human!? Don't you need water to survive!? Don't you get thirsty!? Isn't this a desert!? Aren't you-"   
  
"Ok Irvine, we get the point." Moonbay says, annoyed. She turns her head to Button. "Miss, all we want to know is if you have any water. Oh yeah, and can I keep these?" Moonbay asks with a grin as she holds up some.. uh, interesting leopard print, silk panties.   
  
"Ohhh, water. Why didn't you say so?" Button says with a smile. "We have lots!"   
  
Irvine kicks his Zoid in frustration and much to his surprise the leg on his Command Wolf flies off!! "AHHH!!! CHEAP PIECE OF JUNK!!!"   
  
Van looks under Irvine's command wolf to find a "Made in China" sticker. "O_o"   
  
"Why don't you all come in and I can get you some water?" Button says and leads them inside the tiny house. She turns to Moonbay. "Oh yes, and you can have that pair of underwear. *wink*."   
  
Moonbay beams. "Hey, would you like to see my underwear? Maybe we could trade!"   
  
"Yeah, I wanna trade too!" Fiona jumps up and down in excitement.   
  
Van shivers. "That is so gross..." He says. "Ok, I MIGHT have borrowed some of Irvine's, but that was an emergency..."   
  
"WHAT!?" Irvine grabs Van's collar.   
  
"Hey man, I hadn't changed my boxers in months!! I was desperate!!"   
  
In the house, everyone was really squished together (remember, there is only space for five people!).   
  
"Fiona, get your ribbon out of my face!!" Irvine said in a muffled voice.   
  
"Well get your elbow out of my eye, Irvine!!" Van said.   
  
"VAN!!! Your finger is in my ear!!!" Moonbay complained.   
  
"Moonbay, please remove your armpit away from my nose!!!" Fiona said.   
  
"Aw, who cut the cheese!?" Van said as he pushed and shoved, trying to get some space.   
  
"Whoever smelt it delt it..." Moonbay smirked.   
  
"Moonbay!!!" Van tried to smack her head, but instead smacked Irvine's arm.   
  
"OUCH!!! Ok, who did that!?" Irvine yelled.   
  
"Irvine you just yelled that right in my ear!!!!" Moonbay screamed.   
  
"Well stop touching me, Van!!" Fiona shifted uncomfortably.   
  
"I'm not!! Why don't YOU stop touching ME!?" Van said.   
  
The four continue to push and shove and scream in each other's ears and stuff. Buttons liked being pushed against these strangers and Roger just knelt by the windowsill, counting his rocks. Finally, Buttons reached the faucet and got poured everyone a cup of water and tried her best to hand them out.   
  
"FIONA, you spilled some water in my pants!!!" Van complained angrily. "Now it looks like I peed in my pants..."   
  
"Moonbay bumped me!!" Fiona said.   
  
"I did not!!" Moonbay said.   
  
Buttons was trying to hand Fiona another cup of water, but she had to reach over Irvine's head and she accidentally spelled some water on his eyepatch and it blew up in a storm of smoke and sparks!!!   
  
"MY EYE!!!! You idiot!!! This thing is electrical!!!!" Irvine yelled in pain.   
  
"Whoops! I'm so sorry!!!" Buttons said and was bumped by Moonbay and spilled the whole cup of water on Irvine's head!!!   
  
"YOU!!!!! First you ruin my eyepatch and now you ruin my HAIR!! What next!? My zoid!?" Irvine spat.  
  
"Nope, you did that yourself." Van chuckled.   
  
"Shut up Van!!!" Irvine said.   
  
"Irvine, you spat in my eye!!! Why can't you talk without giving everyone a bath!?" Fiona complained.   
  
"Well excuse me Ms. Spillage but why can't you drink water without spilling it on everyone!?" Irvine argued.   
  
"The cup was slippery!" Fiona said.   
  
When everyone managed to drink AT least one cup of water (even if Button had to keep refilling the cups), they shuffled out the door (another huge fight) and were saying their good-byes. Everyone stood in front of Buttons. They're clothes were torn, their skin was bruised, and Irvine's eyepatch was now a burnt black chunk of metal ready to fall off his face (and his skin around the eyepatch was charred. Poor Irvy...). They all looked like they had come out of a great war and barely survived, which is exactly what happened.   
  
Buttons gave them each a big goodbye bear hug, which they didn't like that much, to say the least. "Thank you so much for stopping by!!!" Buttons exclaimed and started crying. "I'm so sorry you have to go..."   
  
"Well, we have an episode waiting for us..." Van said.   
  
"I have a dentist appointment." Moonbay said.   
  
"I have a hair appointment." Fiona said.   
  
"I have to go to an eye doctor." Irvine said grumpily.   
  
Fiona, Van, and Moonbay waved as they jumped into their Zoids. Irvine had a headache and was trying to open an Advil container. "Stupid piece of crap!!! OPEN!!!" He turned the bottle over to find a "Made in China" sticker.   
  
Moonbay popped her head out the window. "Thanks for the panties!!!"   
  
Van barfed. Fiona mumbled. "I didn't get any panties..." She said. Irvine just laughed insanely. He really needed to take a nap.   
  
Just as they were leaving, something jumped out of the sky!! It looked like a giant Mokona!! Scary, I know.   
  
"Irvine, what the heck is that!?" Van asked as the furry creature started hopping towards the Zoids.   
  
Irvine looked up drowsily from his control thingie in his Zoid. "Pu?"   
  
"AHHH!!! IRVINE YOU'RE SPEAKING MOKONA!!!" Van said.   
  
"Puu puu pu!!" Moonbay said.   
  
"Not you too, Moonbay!!" said Van.   
  
"Puu PUU pu puu pu?" Fiona asked.   
  
"PUU!!!!" Van screamed.  
  
The giant Mokona tore apart Moonbay's Zoid viciously with its teeth and spit out the electrical cords and mechanical parts. She reached into the Zoid's cockpit and took Moonbay out and clasped the screaming girl in her paw!!  
  
"Puupuu!!!!" Van called out and started blasting the overgrown mascot. Mokona roared and wildly attacked Van's Shield Leiger!  
  
Buttons noticed the commotion.   
  
"Oh my gosh! I better transform!!" She calls out. "ZI STAR POWER!!!!!!" As soon as her cheesy transformation was over, she ran towards the Monoka, who was tearing apart the three Zoids, searching for something...   
  
"Stop, you gigantic, rodent-like creature!!! Leave these innocent Zoid pilots alone!!!" Sailor Zi yelled at the Mokona. "I stand for underwear and I stand for face paint. I am Sailor Zi and I will punish you, strange being from Cephiro!"   
  
Mokona stopped knawing the crud out of Van's Zoid and glared at the soldier of justice. "Puu puu PUUUU puu puu pu!" The Mokona snarled, still grasping the struggling Moonbay in its large paw.  
  
"Watch your language young man!" Sailor Zi lectured.   
  
"Puu pupuu puu puu pu?! Pu pu pu pu!" He laughed and pointed at Moonbay. (translation- "Mokona is a boy?! Ha ha ha ha!")  
  
"Puu puu PUU PUU! Pu pu pu pu!" Irvine taunted. (translation- "Moonbay has a boyfriend! Ha ha ha ha!")  
  
"Puuuuuu, Puu puu PUU!!" Moonbay said while blushing. (translation- "It's not like that, you morons!")  
  
"PUU PUU PUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!" Mokona yelled furiously and tried to stomp on Van and Irvine.   
  
"PUUUUU!!!!!!!!" Van and Irvine screamed.   
  
"ZI UNDERPANTS HUMILIATION!!!!" Sailor Zi said her attack, which rid Mokona of all his clothes so he was only in his underwear.   
  
"Pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu pu!!" Van, Irvine, Fiona, Moonbay, Roger, Lint, and Bit Cloud (hey, what's he doing here?) laughed until it hurt. Mokona blushed angrily and said, "Pu puu PUUU!!!" (translation- "Shut up, you cows!!")  
  
Everyone kept laughing, so Mokona decided to run off to find more Zoids and people to terrorize, but he took Moonbay with him!!   
  
"You can't take that girl with you!!" Sailor Zi said.   
  
"Puu!!" (translation- "Watch me!!") Mokona said and trampled off into the desert.   
  
"Follow him!!!" Everyone said and followed Mokona's giant tracks. They finally caught up to him in the big city...  
  
"Mokona in the big city!!" Someone called out as the giant Mokona stomped into the big city and knocked down buildings and crashed into Zoids. "RUN!!!!!!" Everyone screamed and ran in circles.   
  
Soon Zoid pilots in flying Zoids (whatever they're called...) came and started shooting the Mokona! Mokona growled loudly and started to climb up a really tall SkyScraper, that sorta resembled the Empire State Building in New York.   
  
"PUUUUUUUUU PU!!!!!!!!!!" Moonbay screamed for her life. (translation- "HELP ME!!!!")  
  
"Puu puu pu???" Van asked Sailor Zi. (Rough translation- "What are we gonna do?")   
  
"We need to climb up that building, kill the giant Mokona, and then save Moonbay." Sailor Zi said. Van, Irvine, Fiona, and Bit (he's still here...) nod and quickly get into their smashed and clawed up Zoids (Fiona rides with Van) and started climbing up the building to save Moonbay from the evil clutches of Giant Mokona. Sailor Zi jumped into her bright yellow Caterpillar Zoid and climbed up as well. Climbing up the Zoid was difficult, but they all managed to get up there without falling off. Mokona was now on the top of the building and pounding his chest like some giant ape!  
  
"Put the girl down and no one gets hurt!" Sailor Zi called out to the Mokona. "We've got you completely surrounded.   
  
"PUUU CHEESY!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Mokona roared. (translation- "NEVER!!! She's mine and none of you cheesy anime characters that drive mechanical animals can stop me!!!")  
  
"Puu pu puu puuu PUU cheesy puu puuu PUU puuu PUU PU!!" Van said angrily. (translation- "Hey! We're not cheesy! You're the one from Magic Knight Rayearth!!!")  
  
"Puu Puu PUU pu PU PU PU!!!!!" Mokona snarled. (translation- "No one disses Rayearth and gets away with it!!!!") He was so mad, he went a Zoid destroying frenzy. He punched Van's shield Leiger's teeth out, pulled Irvine's Command Wolf's tail off, and spray painted Bit's Leiger Zero hot pink.   
  
"PUU pu pU pu PU pu PU pu PU pu PU!!!" Van said while clenching his fists. (translation- "You punched my Shield Leiger's teeth out!!! I'll never forgive you!!")   
  
"Puu puuu PU puuuuuu..." Irvine sobbed. (translation- "My command wolf's tail...)  
  
"PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bit screamed in agony. (translation- "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")  
  
"Ok, punching Van's Shield Leiger's teeth out and pulling Irvine's Command Wolf's tail out are forgivable, but spray painting Bit's Leiger Zero hot pink... That's just plain evil!" Sailor Zi said.   
  
"Puu puu PU PU PU...Pu pu pu pu pu!" Irvine chucked. (translation- "BRAD might have liked it though... Heh heh heh heh!)  
  
"Hey, at least I have good color sense, Mr. Grey and Maroon." Brad said.   
  
"Puu, puu pu PU PUUU pu uu pu." Irvine countered. (translation- "Yeah, and orange and blue go together.")  
  
"Grrrrr..." Brad hissed and the two Command Wolves started chewing on each other (one missing a tail and a leg and one missing an ear (Lina got a little mad at Bit and decided to take it out on Brad's command wolf...).   
  
"Where was your Zoid made?" Brad smirked.   
  
"Puuuu." Irvine said proudly. (translation- "China, what about your piece of trash?")  
  
"Indonesia, but it was packaged locally. Heh heh."  
  
As the two command wolves continue to argue and shred each other apart, Sailor Zi continued trying to stop the evil Mokona. Van was trying to pick up all the teeth his Shield Leiger had lost and Bit was just sitting in his Zoid, with a shocked look on his face.   
  
Van picked up one of the large teeth and looked at it. "Pu pu, Puu PUU pu PU pU PUUU." (translation- "Tisk, tisk. Zeke has a cavity! Has he been brushing after eating all Fiona's candy?!")  
  
Sailor Zi charged her Caterpillar at Mokona, but Mokona ripped it open and peered inside, then smashed it.   
  
"Why are you doing this!?" Sailor Zi asked.   
  
"Puu PUU pu!" Mokona said. (translation- "You'd never understand the pain I've been through!!"  
  
"No, Mokona, I do understand." Sailor Zi said calmly and everyone stopped and starred in awe. The whole world stopped to listen to Sailor Zi's speech. Mokona even stopped, along with Moonbay.   
  
"I used to be picked on at school by other kids..." Sailor Zi sniffed. "I used to be called crazy and weird and then they would always pull my hair and steal my macaroni and cheese sandwiches..."  
  
Everyone was immediately in tears and hugging Sailor Zi, even Mokona!   
"I know how you feel..." Van said, trying to hold back the tears. "I was exactly the same... Everyone would trip me and pull water on my hair."  
  
"Same here," Moonbay said, crying. "They... they... they called me fat!!!"  
  
Everyone gasped.   
  
"Moonbay, that's terrible!" Irvine said. "When I was a kid... they wouldn't let me play hopscotch and jump rope with them!!!" Irvine said and started crying really hard.  
  
"It's ok, man. We feel your pain." Bit said patting him on the back. "They wouldn't let me play tea party." Bit sniffed.  
  
"And they wouldn't let me play dollies and dress up. Even though they knew I was really good at it." Brad said, very sad.  
  
  
Everyone looked at Fiona for her to confess her terrible childhood. Fiona blinked.   
  
"Fiona, don't you have anything to say!?" Van asked, still crying.   
  
"Wait a minute!!" Moonbay called out. "SHE was the one who did all this to us!!!"  
  
"Oh yeah, I remember a certain blond girl with red eyes named Fiona who always poured water on my hair!!!" Van said, pointing his finger at Fiona.   
  
"She wouldn't let me play hopscotch!!!" Irvine said, getting really angry.   
  
"She wouldn't let me play tea party!!!" Bit said, clenching his fists.   
  
"AND SHE wouldn't share any of her mommy's make up!!!" Brad said, beginning to cry again, but was comforted by Bit and Irvine.   
  
Everyone ganged up on Fiona and were about to attack.   
  
"Hey, come on you guys!! You were all freaks!!" Fiona said.   
  
"She does have a point..." Moonbay said. "But that gives you no reason to call me fat!!"   
  
"Moonbay, you were huge!! I was just telling you that being overweight is a serious health problem!" Fiona said and Moonbay started to calm down a little.   
  
"Ok, but what about pouring water on my head!?" Van said.   
  
  
"I only did that ONCE, Van, well, except for that once episode... It was a really hot day and you were dehydrated and fainted, so I poured a bucket of water on your head! It saved your life!" Fiona said. Van backed off and felt ashamed. "Please forgive me Fiona for hating you all these years!" Van begged.   
  
"Oh, alright. But I am not going into why I wouldn't let hopscotch-boy here play!" Fiona said and glared at Irvine. "That pretty much explains itself."  
  
"I just wanted to play hopscotch... Is that so much to ask!?" Irvine said.   
"Now how come you wouldn't let me play tea party, hmmmm??" Bit asked angrily.   
  
"Ugh, your mom called me and told me you were allergic to tea!" Fiona said.   
  
"Wait, but tea party tea is never real!" Irvine said.   
  
"That's the thing- He's allergic to imaginary tea." Fiona said.   
  
"Ohhhh." They all said.   
  
"Ok, you're off the hook for them, but what about me!? I can't believe you wouldn't let me play dress up!!" Brad said.   
  
"BECAUSE, you always hogged all the jewelry, not to mention how ugly you looked in a dress!!!" Fiona said, shivering at the unfriendly memory.   
  
Brad crossed his arms. "Hmph!"  
  
So now everyone was happy. Mokona and Sailor Zi were hugging, and everyone loved Fiona again!   
  
"WAIT!!!!!"   
  
Everyone looked up to see Dr. D panting.   
  
"Dr. D!!!" Everyone called out.   
  
"That girl..." Dr. D said pointing at Fiona. "Called me bald!!!"   
  
"YOU ARE BALD!!!!" Everyone yelled and started throwing their socks at him.  
  
After a couple more hours of just plain weirdness, everyone decided to go home. They all got in their trashed up Zoids... except for Irvine and Brad.   
  
"Gee man, sorry about your Zoid..." Brad said, looking at Irvine's Zoid, or what was left of it: Just his pilot seat. Brad even tore off the seat belt.   
  
"Yeah, sorry about yours too..." Irvine said. Brad's Zoid was also nothing but his seat (even that was torn up), but he did still have his seatbelt. Irvine was a strong supporter of Zoid safety.   
  
"Aw, that's alright. It was a crappy zoid anyway. Although, it did have air conditioning..." Brad said, sadly.  
  
"My Zoid had a heater." Irvine said.   
  
"Well my Zoid had a vibrating chair!" Brad boasted.  
  
"My Zoid had Italian Leather upholstery!!" Irvine boasted as well.   
  
"My Zoid had a radio!"Brad said.   
  
"My Zoid had a built in TV AND Satellite Dish over 592,957,963 channels! Beat that!" Irvine said.  
  
"Well MY Zoid has a built in Super Computer!!" Brad said.   
  
"How many GB?" Irvine asked, smirking.   
  
"70,000,000,000,000,000,0000,000,000,000 GB (author's note- In other words, his computer is HUGE. Super Computers are the fastest and most high tech computers ever)." Brad said.   
  
"Ok, you win. I only have 7000000000000000000,000,000,000." Irvine said.  
  
  
******************************************************************************  
  
Later that day, Mokona had just one last attack on an abandoned Zoid. He ripped the Zoid open in the middle.  
  
"Hey, where's the cream filling?"  
  
The next episode- The Attack of the Giant Pikachu 


End file.
